I can only write and post this by today because the last two weeks are the most demoralizing moment of my entire life. The person that I love the most, that I care and put my heart for, the reason I’m living and the one I refer to and always remember when I’m down has left me forever and never returns. I lost my beloved mother on the 31st of January 2009 (4 Safar 1430). My mother passed away on the lonely bed at Hospital Umum Sarawak at 11 pm due to heart problem, diabetes and committed to have strokes in her brain. My mother left me at her 70 years old age while I am going to have my 29 birthday just three days after that. Everyone is around during that sad day, my brothers and sisters, her in laws, grandchildren, everyone that she cares the most.
On the last breath she took my brother called me telling that we have lost her. Thank God I’m here in Sarawak and not still in Shah Alam. She was the main reason why I got myself back here in my hometown and she was the reason I’m striving to live a successful life as a teacher. She was always hoping that one day I’ll live a successful life and thank God for her never ending prayers day and night, I’m here as I am in her wish. She loves me the most and I knew it since long as I’m always around with her and she was always being there for me since then. I remember one time she was telling my father how much she loves while I was going to sleep long time ago when I was still in secondary school. That was a very touching moment for me.
I remember everything about mom, most of them are good things, things that are full of lesson whenever she’s around and the thing that I’ll never forget is how she shows her affection towards me as the youngest member of my family. The last time I cried for her is because someone threatened to hurt her, and that was when I’m still in primary schools, aged 10- 12 years old. I even swore to my mom that I’ll never let someone hurt her but now there’s nothing that I can do to protect her, Allah loves her better than I am and took her away in front of my eyes. I cried for like I never cried before, there’s nothing that can hold my sadness this time. My friend Ahab sat next to me telling me to be patient and I know that he can feel the same way since we’ve been grown up together. My mom always refers him as a very dependable friend and yes he is indeed, more than I know.
That day was the saddest day of my life, it’s like the end of everything to me and it really broke my heart and spirit to live. I tried to avoid myself from crying but the more I try, the more I want to and the more flashes of memories of my mom come towards me. It really hard for me to let go, harder than I can imagine it would be during the time my mom got herself really sick in the hospital.
No matter what, I need to let go and that’s why I choose to write about it no matter how long it should take me to and I choose today as the best day to let some of the things out. Maybe I should again next time when the time is right. Goodbye Mak for now, I will see you again next time, just wait for me in front of the door like you always did. I will come to you.
Filed under flashback, life
The best part:
- I received a letter from KPM telling me to come to an interview in conjunction to my school posting. Good news indeed since I’ve been waiting for the news to come. One good sign showing I will no longer be unemployed. All I can say is prayer to the merciful Allah, ALHAMDULILLAH! I just hope that the next posting will be around May because I cannot wait.
- Someone is going to buy my scooter for a good price. I had no choice because I needed the money right now. The planning is to make better my Yamaha and the rest of the money will be fully utilized for my driving license. My ‘ubertune’ scooter is one of the best things that ever happen to me and it’s been a really awesome ride since we get along.
The worst part:
- Well, nothing bad recently happening to me during this month. I believed Allah listens to my prayer in every single moment I spent telling all my troubles to Allah.
- Well that ‘someone who is going to buy my scooter’ never happen as he cannot be contacted through phone and he never tried to contact me in any way.
Live to work or work to live? Work is what we need to survive the harsh civilization no matter what the job is. The funny part is I’m still living and kicking even though I’m jobless. This is the second time of my beautiful jobless moment as long as I can remember and nothing that I can be proud of when I’m thinking of it over and over and over again. Right now I’m waiting for my previous interview reply and I can’t wait no more for an answer that seem never to come. The interview was on last year’s October and I’m starting to lose my patient.
This time I’m on my own. The unforgettable last time I was helped by a friend of mine in order to get the job. Well I like to think that she needs someone that knows her for a long time to be there for her, someone that she can trust but clearly I have let her down, big time! That’s why she put everything down just to help me up. I also like to say that I’m desperate the last time and I have made the wrong judgment about my previous working place. I have learnt a lot, a very useful lesson that I’ll never forget for the rest of my life.
Well, my life must go on and for sure I’ll never stop trying no matter what the barriers are. I almost forgot that I love challenges and I can say that this is one of them. I also forgot that there’s no one that can bring me down because I’ve made it this far and that’s something that I can be proud of!
The best part:
- My brand new Acer aspire 5050 notebook. Bought it because it worth it. I save some money from my part time job add up to my recent wedge to buy it.
- Nike five air futsal shoes. I spent over 200 to have it worn by my lucky feet. I guess this is the most expensive futsal shoes I ever bought and I’m quite satisfied with its performance so far.
- Fantastic Four- Rise of the Silver surfer.
The worst part:
- Nothing that can be considered as ‘worst’ so far.
Yesterday I lost my vans skate shoes while praying at the state mosque of Shah Alam. Before that I went to one of my best friend’s wedding somewhere near my living area. We used to skate together, done a lot of stuff especially things that involve skateboarding and now he is having his own family. I believe that he will let go of skateboarding as everyone does as soon as they had to face other commitment.
When I started to think about it, my time will come but I am not sure when because I’m not ready yet I guess. It’s hard to leave something that we love so much especially something that brought great influences in our whole life. This guy, the friend of mine skated for almost 10 fucking great years and suddenly he have to let it go just like that. I wonder how he felt about it, I never had the chance to ask him about it but I will if he let me, if we ever have the time that can be spent together.
I never want to let go skating, that is why I still kept my board at home even though I never skate it that much the way I did before. I used to sell one complete board to a stranger but few days after that I felt terrible about it, to sell something that I love very much, something that have influenced me so much and something that kept me company and happy when I need one. After that I work my ass out to buy a whole new set again to replace the one that I had sacrificed before, which made me felt better and happy again. Back to my missing skate shoes, I just hope that the person that stole it involve in a terrible a accident one day and feel sorry for everything that he has done to everyone, hahaha…
The best part:
- Sony Ericcson K800i- I’ve been longing for it in such a long period and finally bought it,hahaha…
- Freelance earnings from KLP production- I managed to buy a notebook out of it (thanks klp for the great job!)
The worst part:
- Students’ final exam- being an invigilator for the first time and get the adrenaline rush but somehow managed to stay in control.
- Students’ final papers- I taught 2 subjects and have to check all paper by myself, 150 papers all together and its been really hectic. Given only 3- 4 days to complete the marking gave me tenser than I can ever imagine.
- Not enough sleep- this make me get angry most of the time. The primary victim is my demanding girlfriend that seems to don’t understand what I am going through. Most female are the same I guess,hmm…
The Best part:
On second of March, I got a call from my course mate telling me a wonderful news that I’ve been wanting to hear for such a long time. She is now teaching in a private college with my other course mate. She called me telling that I will work for the same college as a tutor but in other branch as a full timer. I was very happy to hear that because finally I got what I want that is to be a teacher. Though the place is quite far away, it’s okay to risk it anyway.
Bones Super Swiss 6 balls competition bearing set, the most anticipated creation ever after calculator. I am riding the pools with no hesitation in my mind. I bought them, rode on them and destroy everything that came my way!
I bought another set of deck from my friend that could use some money to upgrade his car. The Zoo York’s ‘Donny Barley’ board is still in the best condition and the ‘Silver’ truck is still okay even though he’s been grinding it slightly for some time. The bearing set is a Powell mini logo set, fast enough to move around the park. I just can’t wait to try it out tomorrow since today I have tuition class at 8 pm up until 10.
Now, on the 19 of March I was finally accepted as the tutor at PTPL when I received a call this morning. The best news ever for me after graduating! I was asked to report myself at the HR department on the 26 of March at 9 am. I never thought that I will get the job and I still cannot believe that I got it. Alhamdulillah, that’s all that I can say to everything. Without the will from Allah, I may not get this opportunity even though I have committed so many sins.
The Worst part:
Quitting from my present job as the translator. It is hard because it’s been a great experience to be in here and as a part of the family but life goes on and we must take everything for granted.
Bails especially during skating. It’s something that I can’t endure but it’s sure felt good at most of the time.