It’s been 3 years since I wrote something in my wordpress and the 3 years have been a very busy years for me dealing with my life. There’s so many things happening around, so many laughter, so many joy and to be honest not much on sadness and cries which make me very grateful.
Tag Archives: life
I see hatred in everyone’s eyes, in every movement, in every spoken words. But there’s nothing that we can do to avoid hatred because hatred is just one part of living. As I watched people I see myself, a good reflection of how should I become, on how to avoid things that I always want to avoid. We’ll always live like this, well I’ll always live like this. As I keep it to myself I try to vanish it from my heart. Some say it will disappear but I believed they are not because hatred will stay in one secret part of our heart and one day will come out spreading dark cloud.
Lately I’ve been seeing my relative that I’ve been missing for quite some times, a long time actually. He (as always) has a lot of stories to tell, a tell about someone, anyone which include almost everyone that he knows near or far. And sometimes he even tells about himself maybe as a self- reflection and a valuable lesson to others which is including me as well. Most of his stories have this kind of lesson inside, intrinsically. It’s really good when you actually listen to someone and you listen carefully and as for me that’s how I learned about things especially the big thing known as ‘LIFE’. His stories caught me in the real experience of actually being there, always giving me the question “What if that was me?” and “What would I do if that was me?”. Listen to his stories was like a journey, it was like listening to LIFE itself.
Just now while enjoying my breakfast at the canteen my sleepy attention was awaken by someone saying “There’s no more justice in this world.” Well, that simple words that came out of his mouth really means something, we already forgot the true value of JUSTICE as we keep quarelling about INJUSTICE all the time. Less is more.
Happy and happiness are two different words for me. Happy stands with you only for a moment while happiness on the other subject describe all for one really long time, for eternity if that is possible. I am sure someone has come to you before and said “You look happy today” and asked “What was the smile all about?” and there’s always one good reason for it for example you just got promoted or you just won something. But it doesn’t mean that you are close to happiness as I said earlier happiness last much longer.
You can be unhappy at any time (of course because of some reasons) and when you can get over it you still need something that can make you happy again, for a while for sure. Well, we need ‘something’ to make us HAPPY and what about HAPPINESS, what exactly that we need to gain it? Is it a gift or we are required to pursue for it, A PURSUE OF HAPPINESS?
Being happy and being in the sense of happiness are two different experiences. Well, I have experienced before the feeling of happy but I am uncertain whether I will achieve happiness in my life and for the rest of eternity. I used to ask someone, a stranger “Are you happy?” and he is stunned with my question. All that he can answer is “I am happy with all I got so far” and smiled away. So, will all the things that you got so far promise you happiness in your life? We will never know the answer, well not me definitely.
Well, as far as I am concerned I am still pursuing my happiness and waiting for the happy moment to come. I cannot say that I am happy right now, all I can describe is I am truly grateful and thankful with everything. At least I’m not losing my head.
I can only write and post this by today because the last two weeks are the most demoralizing moment of my entire life. The person that I love the most, that I care and put my heart for, the reason I’m living and the one I refer to and always remember when I’m down has left me forever and never returns. I lost my beloved mother on the 31st of January 2009 (4 Safar 1430). My mother passed away on the lonely bed at Hospital Umum Sarawak at 11 pm due to heart problem, diabetes and committed to have strokes in her brain. My mother left me at her 70 years old age while I am going to have my 29 birthday just three days after that. Everyone is around during that sad day, my brothers and sisters, her in laws, grandchildren, everyone that she cares the most.
On the last breath she took my brother called me telling that we have lost her. Thank God I’m here in Sarawak and not still in Shah Alam. She was the main reason why I got myself back here in my hometown and she was the reason I’m striving to live a successful life as a teacher. She was always hoping that one day I’ll live a successful life and thank God for her never ending prayers day and night, I’m here as I am in her wish. She loves me the most and I knew it since long as I’m always around with her and she was always being there for me since then. I remember one time she was telling my father how much she loves while I was going to sleep long time ago when I was still in secondary school. That was a very touching moment for me.
I remember everything about mom, most of them are good things, things that are full of lesson whenever she’s around and the thing that I’ll never forget is how she shows her affection towards me as the youngest member of my family. The last time I cried for her is because someone threatened to hurt her, and that was when I’m still in primary schools, aged 10- 12 years old. I even swore to my mom that I’ll never let someone hurt her but now there’s nothing that I can do to protect her, Allah loves her better than I am and took her away in front of my eyes. I cried for like I never cried before, there’s nothing that can hold my sadness this time. My friend Ahab sat next to me telling me to be patient and I know that he can feel the same way since we’ve been grown up together. My mom always refers him as a very dependable friend and yes he is indeed, more than I know.
That day was the saddest day of my life, it’s like the end of everything to me and it really broke my heart and spirit to live. I tried to avoid myself from crying but the more I try, the more I want to and the more flashes of memories of my mom come towards me. It really hard for me to let go, harder than I can imagine it would be during the time my mom got herself really sick in the hospital.
No matter what, I need to let go and that’s why I choose to write about it no matter how long it should take me to and I choose today as the best day to let some of the things out. Maybe I should again next time when the time is right. Goodbye Mak for now, I will see you again next time, just wait for me in front of the door like you always did. I will come to you.
Grateful is an important and meaningful word to me because it has taught me a lot about life. I believe kids nowadays don’t even know if this word exists because no one tell or reminded them about it especially the intended meaning it lays, maybe in schools but not at home as parents are busy digging gold mines all day and night.
As far as I am concerned being grateful is when you are always pleased and thankful especially to God with what you have no matter what it is or how it may be. It is a quality that not everyone has or willing to have especially when we are talking about modern day life where money is everything and everything is money, when what you have reflect who you are as a person, physically.
My late mother has taught me a lot the real meaning of this word not by telling me the meaning or by giving an example but by keep reminding me that if she had all the money in the world, she would had given me, my brothers and my sisters all that we want. She never wanted anything more except for our love and how we can show that we care about her and our family. I immediately understand her intention from the look of her face when she said that and it was a very valuable lesson that I will never forget for the rest of my life. I believe we should start thinking and appreciating of what we have that others don’t. So, be grateful.