Tag Archives: love

I Wish You’re Not Falling For Me Because I’ve Fallen For You.

This could be the last love story that I’ll ever told. It strikes me as I couldn’t see it coming; like the rushes to the blood, like a roller coaster ride, like a first love, like everything is moving fast except me, head over heel.

I have fallen for a girl, a girl of every man’s dream and desire, a girl that will kill you with her sincere smile, a girl that will choke you with the look from her shining eyes, a girl of fatal attraction, a very special girl. Before there was complete silence in me when she is around and my heart keep beating like never before. The feeling was indescribable, like nothing in this world and again like the first love, so wonderful and meaningful.

I think that I have met her before but I cannot recall when or where or maybe it is just me, I don’t know because I have fallen for her and the feeling drifts me away, far away up the sky, to the cloud nine. Before there was only smiles between us and some simple hellos and again they were inexpressible and beautiful, the feeling, the rush and the moment itself.

I have fallen for you and hope that you’re not fallen for me. Things that happened between us are so beautiful and we need to keep it that way, every split second, every passing hour, every blinks of our meeting eyes, every honest laugh that we share, every looks that we gave each other. This will always remain a secret promise in me and it can only be broken by you if you started to fall for me too. This is the most meaningful risk I ever took in my life, to have fallen for someone that is not meant for me, not today, not tomorrow, not forever be.

I’ll remember this, I’ll remember you, I’ll remember the feelings that I have put at stakes. It was so beautiful, the feeling and only beautiful can describe it all, beautifully meaningful. This is a love story, the last love story that never meant to be told.



Filed under best vs. worst, life

The Saddest Day Of My Life.

I can only write and post this by today because the last two weeks are the most demoralizing moment of my entire life. The person that I love the most, that I care and put my heart for, the reason I’m living and the one I refer to and always remember when I’m down has left me forever and never returns. I lost my beloved mother on the 31st of January 2009 (4 Safar 1430). My mother passed away on the lonely bed at Hospital Umum Sarawak at 11 pm due to heart problem, diabetes and committed to have strokes in her brain. My mother left me at her 70 years old age while I am going to have my 29 birthday just three days after that. Everyone is around during that sad day, my brothers and sisters, her in laws, grandchildren, everyone that she cares the most.

On the last breath she took my brother called me telling that we have lost her. Thank God I’m here in Sarawak and not still in Shah Alam. She was the main reason why I got myself back here in my hometown and she was the reason I’m striving to live a successful life as a teacher. She was always hoping that one day I’ll live a successful life and thank God for her never ending prayers day and night, I’m here as I am in her wish. She loves me the most and I knew it since long as I’m always around with her and she was always being there for me since then. I remember one time she was telling my father how much she loves while I was going to sleep long time ago when I was still in secondary school. That was a very touching moment for me.

I remember everything about mom, most of them are good things, things that are full of lesson whenever she’s around and the thing that I’ll never forget is how she shows her affection towards me as the youngest member of my family. The last time I cried for her is because someone threatened to hurt her, and that was when I’m still in primary schools, aged 10- 12 years old. I even swore to my mom that I’ll never let someone hurt her but now there’s nothing that I can do to protect her, Allah loves her better than I am and took her away in front of my eyes. I cried for like I never cried before, there’s nothing that can hold my sadness this time. My friend Ahab sat next to me telling me to be patient and I know that he can feel the same way since we’ve been grown up together. My mom always refers him as a very dependable friend and yes he is indeed, more than I know.

That day was the saddest day of my life, it’s like the end of everything to me and it really broke my heart and spirit to live. I tried to avoid myself from crying but the more I try, the more I want to and the more flashes of memories of my mom come towards me. It really hard for me to let go, harder than I can imagine it would be during the time my mom got herself really sick in the hospital.

No matter what, I need to let go and that’s why I choose to write about it no matter how long it should take me to and I choose today as the best day to let some of the things out. Maybe I should again next time when the time is right. Goodbye Mak for now, I will see you again next time, just wait for me in front of the door like you always did. I will come to you.


Filed under flashback, life